My sentence to he1L

and I cry

1hell — Wed, 09 Jun 2010 16:42:43 +0000

I want so much right now that I can’t freaking afford. I hate being a poor student that has NO help from anyone. I hate that we have moved so much that our money has to go to replacing furniture or deposits for places. I hate living in limbo. and i hate most of my clothes/shoes/purses got lost in moving AKA went into my little sisters closet and now they are ruined basically. I hate that I cant afford a GYM membership HELLO… and why does the university of colorado SCREW me over on fees for the rec center i graduated i cant pay more than 5 times the amount a student would pay… hello cheaper.. if your degree was worth a shit maybe I could or my spouse would have a job that we could… and then I break down… I am vain okay.. so let me be that way… i am selfish … and not working out makes me feel like a WHALE.. and not having cute clothes and accessories makes me feel like a homeless UGLY loser.. and Joey HAS no idea why I cry… hello have we not been together for 3 and a half years living together the entire time… you would think he would get by now i am bat shit emotional crazy.. lord help him when i am pregnant because when my monthly friend comes i go crazy….. and cry and cry and cry or yell or feel sorry for myseld shouldnt that be allowed sometimes

the love of my life

1hell — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 15:30:03 +0000

J and I have been together since early 2007, and have been inseparable since. He is my soulmate and world. I finally feel like I’m living life and blessed to be living it with him. He tells me when I smell bad or look a hot mess, and I tell him every worldly secret I have ever had. Hes quite and reserved except with him, I’m outgoing and loud. We are both strong willed and stubborn. He is calm and rational and I am live on my emotions. When I cry and freak out he calms me and forces me to get over it (even if it results in a fight). He helps me calm my emotions and I help him express his. We are opposite as night and day but yet the same in every way. We are both so young and already know we want to spend the rest of our lives together.
I don’t know if it was love at first sight or what, but right after we met our relationship developed into a deep connection and right away I was sure this was the boy I would spend the rest of my days with. We begin spending the night and days with each other everyday since and have not really been apart. We have already lived through some trying times, thanks economy and lawschool and families. But it has only made our connection deeper.

Neither of us believe that we have to be married to show our devotion to each other. Sure I have planned out our wedding and dreamed of the venue dresses but what girl hasn’t (and I was planning a wedding since I was about 6 anyways). But both of us know that we can not yet afford that wedding yet. At this time in our lives we don’t know if children our in the cards for us. I love spending every waking minute with Joey and am not yet willing to share that time with another human. WE want to travel the world hand and hand and a stroller just isn’t in the dream yet. We both know it would not be responsible to bring a child into this world at this point in our lives (maybe we are responsible enough if we know that lol) Who knows if we will ever be ready but we are both still in our early 20′s and have plenty of time to debate on that. Plus we have more pressing issues to deal with such as where he is going to go to architectural school for his masters and if he should also get his MBA or planning masters. Or which law school I will be able to transfer into. All we know is we are doing it together this time, no living apart it is torture and not worth it.

1hell — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 14:36:53 +0000

so I am done with my first year in lawschool and boy am I glad only to enter into a whole new world. I have realized so much in this year. SO many different things have happened mostly bad, but they can be seen as good because they have changed my outlook on life.

Things I am sure of, I have the most supportive spouse in the entire world, and people will judge are relationship and be vindictive but that only makes us stronger.

People you thought you could trust you really can’t

everyone has an opinion on your life, but few are willing to actually help. Its troubling times you realize who you can truly depend on. In our case it is just J an me.

Sometimes making the right decision comes from making all the wrong ones first.

if you love each other nothing will break you apart and you do not need a ring to symbolize a relationship.

People will judge your decisions, but the only persons opinion that matters is the one that is making the decision by your side.

Sometimes its not worth fighting over.

Some people can’t hear and they really don’t listen.. those are the kinds of people that should been kept as far as possible from your life.

people are overly sensitive and need to get the f over it…

You can’t please every opinion, so there is not need stressing over it.

Things have a way of working out in the end, and you can get by

not everyone is going to like you get over it.

No one is perfect especially me…

holding grudges takes too much energy. (i’m trying to work on this one)

Move on.

Sometimes families fall apart, and break others apart, don’t allow that to happen.

I love my boyfriend and everyday we get stronger… most people that have been together as long as us have children and are married.. thats not for us now. Judge if you must. But yes we live together, yes we share our money, yes we are each others best friend, and when you find a love like ours you savior it and keep it safe.

One day when we are knee deep in loans and family issues, we are going to have the perfect wedding. But there is no need to spoil it by having a shotgun half ass wedding.

If god judges us let him, but it is not your place to judge us

1hell — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 06:09:07 +0000

I’m tired of trying to please a person who obviously doesn’t love me. I’m tired of feeling like I owe a duty to you, I DONT OWE YOU! I’m tired of crying, and feeling unloved… I’m tired of feeling so utterly alone. I am mostly tired of being me.

Finals

1hell — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 22:09:09 +0000

Finals have come and 3 have gone, now I have one more to do. I can’t seem to get the motivation I need to start studying for criminal law, which I only have one day to study for really, which is tomorrow… and what is the remainder of today. I kinda studied for it on friday going over flash cards and what not. But I have yet to tackle this bitch! Contracts I had today it was really draining and I thought might have been the hardest test yet…. I hear my criminal law professor is a VERY hard grader and his test is almost impossible… I plan on studying for 3-4 hours tonight and waking up early and studying from 10-12 hours tomorrow and then going and taking this exam. Then I will be finished.

This morning I was on my way to school, and FORGOT MY ID AND EXAM NUMBER AND COMPUTER… basically everything I needed for my exam, and luckily I left early enough that I could go back and get my things… I was a littler stressed out to say the least. I took this impossible exam, with 3 proctors and they WERE SO ANNOYING!!! The guy screamed at people DURING THE EXAM… the lady walked around doing the sitting chart knocking over my papers and being very disturbing…and then I guess my professor forgot one section on the test… or someone did and the proctors didnt make us check WHICH they are SUPPOSE TO, so in the middle of the test we had to get the last question passed out to us…. ANNOYING and no we didn’t get any extra time. The entire process basically sucked… and I hope I do not have those people for my next and last exam. Hello you are suppose to help us not make life harder for us! or just make sure no one is cheating!!! not be super annoying! GOD

Pet peeve of contracts exam annoying proctors…. and then I find out that my friend at a different school gets to have OPEN NOTE finals… and my brother get 3 days between each final… me ONE… no time to recover… just jump right back into the studying… which thinking about it makes me nervous… i need to do that now… eeek… Oh and they arent as crazy as they are with us… we get pencils pens high liters and ear plugs thats it and it needs to be in a CLEAR plastic bag… we can’t have any drinks except water with the label ripped off… not even a coke with the label gone… and they will come and take ur drink if its not water… even though you clearly are not cheating… and to go to the bathroom (which I havent done) you have to sign in and out, which I totally understand… we have to fill out a seating chart seat.. and have our ID’s check usually before the test, but this brilliant set of people thought it would be a good idea to ask to check everyones id’s while we are taking the exam… and my exam today was crazy they had 2 people in suits (on top of the 3 proctors) in the back making sure everyone STOPPED THE EXAM WHEN THEY CALLED TIME, so they could bust people that kept writing or typing… maybe they have a problem with cheating or are just crazy. My brothers proctor LEFT while he was taking his exam… they didn’t need plastic bags and could have what ever kind of drink with the label on it they pleased and they only had ONE proctor not THREE! …. so that was my exam today…

My civil procedures was my first final, it seemed to go smoothly… and I finished on time.. My torts was the second this was a 4 hour exam and yes i took the entire 4 hours and was the 2nd to last person to leave… talk about loser.. it was hard and I really have no clue how I did… all I know is I studied my butt off for all my exams thus far and hopefully my grades reflect it… the curve grading system is a joke… and bullshit… it will make someone with a B paper get a C just because they need certain numbers in ever range…

the multiple choice question are SOOOOO hard its not even funny… there will be 2 of the exact same answers with ONE word different and you are suppose to know which to pick, or there will be 4 things that are all reasons and you have to pick which is the best answer, or the teacher will ask a ridic detail question from the first reading and you will have since forgotten… or asked what this justice believe in the case, and you know the majority view and dissent, but can’t recall if they are the majority or the dissent… I hate them… they f’ing suck… all and all I’m super tired and really stressed and lack motivation to study… so i think when my mom gets home im going to make her take me or take her car… because I dont have mine… SHITTY again… to get some chia tea from starbucks… or just take a long bath looking over my flash cards and notes and trying to prepare for the long haul day of studying which is tomorrow… until next time.. ill see ya later party people

finals

1hell — Fri, 04 Dec 2009 16:10:28 +0000

they may have won the battle but i will win the war. The first two finals have take a lot out of me… but im fighting and ready to study crim law and contracts today…. and come next wednesday I will have won the WAR!!!!!!!!!!!! Law school thought it was so cleaver but it doesn’t realize I’m one step ahead and I will succeed. its war!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

survey

1hell — Wed, 02 Dec 2009 19:36:58 +0000

survey while i take a break frome studying happy note one final down 3 to go!!! ill write about this process when i have time after the 9th of dec

Do you think there is a difference between fucking and making love?
yes
When was the last time that you were genuinely happy?
I can not honestly say

What would you say if you found out your last ex was in a relationship?
wish them nothing but happiness

Ever dated a blond-haired, blue-eyed person?
no

Is there any emotion you’re trying to avoid right now?
freak out mode emotion

Have you ever kissed in the rain?
yes

How many chances do you tend to give people before enough is enough?
i am really bad at this..i tend to never let things go

Do you think your last ex will eventually want to be with you again?
no i do not

Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?
yes

Do you know anybody whose last name is a color?
yes
Do you pay with cash, credit/debit, or checks most often?
debit/credit

Does it bother you when people smoke around you?
yes

When did you last cry?
i dont know

Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?
no

What hoodie did you wear last?
none

Has a boy/girl ever called you babe/baby?
yes

Would you kiss someone to make your ex bf/gf mad?
no

Last person to make you smile?
i dunno

How was last night?
ummm i played a stupid fb game bejeweled for far to long and studied

What do the majority of people in your life call you?
my name

Would you ever work in a bookstore?
no

Will your next kiss be a mistake?
nope

Have you been to the movies in the last five days?
no

Have you ever drank tequila?
yes

If your boyfriend or girlfriend cheated on you, but apologized sincerely and vowed to never cheat again, would you consider taking that person back?
— probably but the trust might be gone and the relationship doomed

Have you ever colored your hair?
i have but my color now is natural
Has a book ever made you cry?
yup

Do you have a member of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?
yes :]

Do you get drunk every weekend?
no

What were you doing at 7:45 this morning?
sleeping.

Have you given up on anyone recently?
getting there

Has anyone close to you died within the past year?
no

How is school going?
AHHHHHHHHH!!!

Is there a tissue box in your sight right now?
nope

What time did you wake up this morning?
10

How many pets do you have?
my parents have a lot

Ice cream cake or just ice cream?
cake

Do you have two middle names?
no

Does anyone have feelings for you?
yes

What is your current annoyance?
finals

1hell — Fri, 27 Nov 2009 17:53:46 +0000

Wow drank too much last night… and today I need to be studying right now its one o’clock and I’m not…. god what can i do to get some motivation….

Finals

1hell — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 14:48:55 +0000

So this week I will be preparing for finals, no thanksgiving for me thank you. But I will say I am prepared to start this studying train …. I have put my personal life on hold… and need to disable facebook because yes I have a problem. THen I will start to study for my first finals ever…as a 1L law student… Yikes I’m nervous. What if my exam soft doesn’t work. Speaking of, I have a Mac and if you are a law student at many universities you have come to discover that macs are not compatible with the exam soft system… yes so you either have to get boot camp and have windows on your computer, get a new computer, or write your exams. I have decided to borrow a computer, and man was it a head ache to try to get it to work. The IT guys are NO help, and me because the computer retard as I am started to panic, all because I didn’t know the password to the main name on the computer and neither did the owner… so basically my friend saved the day by re-loading the computer… and making it lose everything that was on it before… hence taking away the password, bingo… after leaving the computer in the library which the librarian that is always nice was bitchy, I went to class came back finished the reboot… and took it to the IT guy and then downloaded exam soft SUCESS, can we say thank jesus that worked. Finally something after going wrong first went perfectly right. Now I am off to study civ pro, and hopefully be prepared to ace my final.

Love,

More positive happy 1L student

calm

1hell — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 01:56:07 +0000

I cried in the library today, everything felt overwhelming and then I cried in class and on my way home. I feel oddly better now, I have seriously had some thinking to do. I am a beautiful, smart, friendly, women and I can do ANYTHING I put my mind to, regardless if I’m alone or not. So I had a little span that I was unhappy, but I am planning on doing something about that… I just don’t know what that is. I feel like apiece of me is dying because my dream since before I could remember was to go to law school. I will figure this out and be okay… regardless of anything I will be happy again. I need to have something so I am going to start a gym membership to give me relief my brother friend who recently graduated from law school said running saved him… I would like it to save me too lol. Tomorrow is a new day and I can do this and everything will be okay. If you do want you love to do money will follow

here are some random facts about me

1. I love pink its my favorite color. I love it every time I paint my nails it is typically some shade of pink

2. I love the smell of boys, like the shower stuff and products they use. I wish I could wear it too.. lol

3. I use dove body wash and that scent is amazing too.

4. I have naturally curly hair, but when I can I straighten it out… and when there is no humidity it can get SOOO straight.

5. my hair is pretty long now past the boobage

6. my mom is my best friend, but a lot of times we do not get along… especially on how I should live my life.

8. I have loved and been loved, and longed for that love again been broken hearted, and picked up those pieces and glued them back together. lol

9. I have the most amazing best friend anyone could ask for, the kind that would wash your hair when you feel super depressed or are drunk…

10. I would love to get married one day, but I’m not ready now… and I would love to have babies too… but I fear I would never make a good mother… I love my name, leyton and Liv… among others ….

11. I fear I can never have kids because of my past experiences

12. I am clumsy, like a total freak… i feel at high school graduation and well right before college.. and I would fall walking in a straight line

13. I love to laugh and smile… i have a great smile lol

14. I LOVE target and could buy all my clothes and accessories there and still look cute

15. I love the Buffs

16 . I think colorado is one of the most beautiful states.

17. I love melbourne beach it is my comfort zone

18. my grandmother is the most amazing person I have ever met, and I love her deeply

19. I never had grandfathers but my amazing grandmother made up for it

20. I love dogs but don’t want one they are too much work

21. I gave birth to puppies and wanted to be a vet in highschool, I was too scared to pursue it.

22. Most of the puppies died and it was heart breaking… 3 survived my brother took one and my mom kept the other 2

23. I love the food cake challenges I don’t know why

24. I have zero tattoos and only my ears pierced

25. my eyes are blue and I have to wear contacts or glasses

26. I used to be a terrible driver, now I have become better… but I’m no expert

27. I prefer my friends to drive

28. I have never drank and drove not once

29. I really have never been in trouble

30. I’m not a huge drinker but I know how to .. lol

31. I was sexually assaulted in college, and that experience has made me the person I am today … stronger and less naive

32. I cry when I’m stressed

33. I laugh at random times

34. I try not to judge people, or care what people think of me

35. i am very independent but yet still dependent

36. Im confident and insecure at the same time

37. I work too hard, and forget the reasons why I’m doing it

38. I’m messy but love things to be clean and can’t concentrate in a messy place

39. I don’t typically cook… because I start fires

40. I suck at spelling

41. I know sign language I took it in college and high school

42. I’m always early I hate being late… I get places so early and have to sit in the car and wait

43. I love to travel. Vegas was amazing AS AN ADULT….

44. I love show, like the ones in nyc and vegas

45. I hate disney

46. I have been in many car accidents and when you drive I will make noises and flinch and be like OMG sorry in advance

47. I never listen to voice mail, i dont know why… but text me and ill read it

48. I love when I feel pretty and good about myself… like when u get a new outfit and ur makeup turns out perfect… i will go places even when i have no where to really go

49. I have been stood up by a guy, and got a dress and everything and remained friends with him afterwards

50. I’m a relationship girl, not a hook up girl, i have never had a random hook up ever, but yet have only been in 2 real relationships….

51. I care a lot.

52. I am a people pleaser

53. I am more of a movie and cuddle or drink at home type of girl… but when i go out i have a good time

54. I hate halloween incident happened then.

55. I realize I can only depend on myself.

56. i dont eat red meat but love chicken…